Alisa, a lovely, blonde woman in her 30's, confided in me that when she and Hakeem, her middle-eastern fiancee are in public (in a southern state), white men give her dirty looks. Why is it that people still have such a stigma against interracial couples? In the 1960's, there was a case of an interracial couple that was actually arrested and jailed for marrying interracially: Mr. and Mrs. Loving. The groom: a white man and the bride: a black woman. At that time, 17 states banned interracial marriage. The ban against interracial marriage was finally lifted in 1967 by the Supreme Court. Even though it's been 40+ years since the bans were lifted against interracial marriage in all of the United States, a percentage of people still have such an adverse reaction when they see a member of their race dating a person of another nationality. Even though the law allows for interracial marriage, there still are a certain percentage of people who still hold onto prejudicial attitudes towards mixed race couples, consciously or subconsciously. Prejudice is the product of lack of positive exposure to other ethnicities and cultures. Also, they feel that "foreigners" are "taking over" eligible and datable men/women, thus reducing the eligible pool of marriageable people of the opposite gender of their same ethnicity.
Would Alisa still be punished by similar disdainful looks from white men in a more liberal state, such as California or New York where there is more ethnic diversity? My opinion is that the prevailing attitude is more relaxed towards interracial relationships simply because people are mixing and mingling at school, church, work, social settings, etc. with more members of other ethnicities other than their own. They are more accepting towards interracial relationships because, demographically, there is more diversity. With more exposure to "other" people, prejudice is less likely. Prejudice flourishes where there is fear and fear breeds on ignorance or lack of exposure to other cultures and people. Once we become familiarized and have an amicable affiliation with individual members (like co-workers or members of one's in-law family, for example) of a different ethnic group, then the stereotypes diminish with time in one's mind. However, studies show the psyche of most people will continue to label the members of the other nationality with negative stereotypes if they are not familiar with the individual members thereof.
Personally, I was one of the only Asians in a town of mostly White/Caucasian people in the upper middle class, airport, town of Cameron Park, California. I was rejected, mocked and jeered for being Asian because, as aforementioned, my peers (in elementary and junior high school) had little or no exposure to Asians. The only Asians that they saw were the Chinese karate-chopping variety in the Bruce Lee movies. In my case, in the late 80's, when "Full Metal Jacket" (a military movie about GI's in Vietnam in which the only ladies that were in the movie were prostitutes) was released, the bratty, white boys (I have poetic license to state that because my wonderful, loving husband is white) would mockingly jeer, "Me so horny! Me love you long time, GI!" Of course, this attitude was becoming far and few between as the provincial city was gradually infused with members of other cultures, such as Asians, Blacks, East Indian, etc. Interestingly enough, eventually I dated one of those bratty boys that jeered me (after I grew out of an awkward stage) when I was a teenager. He became my first boyfriend (and one of the first people to break the interracial ground in that city). The city is a microcosm of the growing acceptance of interracial relationships in American culture. However, there are always people who hold onto prejudicial beliefs no matter what emerging cultural trends there are.
In my mid-20's, after several failed relationships, I was shocked to receive an email from an Asian gentleman who said that I was a disgrace and a sell-out because I had stated I was looking for a Caucasian man in an online dating profile. The email was laced with resentment. Now, I do understand that a lot of Asian gentlemen feel that "their" women are being taken over by white men. I do empathize that they feel there is a large disparity between the Asian female and white male couple versus the Asian male and white female couple (which is gaining in popularity. Look around. They are there). Honestly, I have met and have interacted with some very attractive Asian men (and have a crush on Keanu Reeves. Does that count?), but for some reason, because there was a lack of Asian men in my home-town, I felt more attracted towards Caucasian men. Sounds fair, doesn't it? That what you grow up with is what you are most comfortable with? There is hope, Asian man: I still observe that the majority of Asian women will only date Asian men because that's who they were accustomed to in their formative years, are attracted to, and who they want to bring home to meet Mama-san and Papa-san.
Isn't the preference for someone of a particular race similar to the penchant that some men have for blonde or long-legged women? "Well, that's different" people might claim, because that's an affinity for a member of the same nationality. Really, it's not that different, simply because an individual is attracted to certain physical characteristics. Also, when people think others are hogging the eligible pool of men/women, do they not consider the millions and millions of eligible people in the world? Come on. There are at least 4 billion fish in the dating sea! Just because the people in one's own social circle seem to be taken, it shouldn't limit them from looking elsewhere, like on the Internet (proceed with caution, of course).
I do hear a lot of black women friends who resent the pairing of black men with white women. Is it warranted or unwarranted? Justified or not? Yes, I tread lightly because obviously, I'm not black, but I'll take my chances in exploring this delicate topic. I've heard black women say that an employed, black man with his own transportation and dwelling who treats his woman well is in such hot demand that they are livid when a white woman snags him. But honestly, is it just black men who have a job, car, and house with good qualities who are a rare find or just men in general who have these attributes who are in high demand? I think it's a supply and demand type of situation. There's a limited supply of these type of men (who are not scrubs, referring to the TLC song) and there's a high demand. Therefore, because of that, women get hot underneath the collar (or blouse) when they see one of "their" men with a woman of another race. I am a proponent of Asian men dating Black Women and vice versa to even out the interracial marriage disparities!
Overall, people will love who they are going to love regardless of what their family or cultural attitude is. Thankfully, Mr. and Mrs. Loving defied the odds and authorities and continued in holy matrimony in spite of the prevailing legal and cultural stigmas against their relationship. I am thankful that the dream of Martin Luther King has come true (for the most part), that "one day (his four little children will) live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." Do we really evaluate other people by what's inside their heart or do we only see what's skin-deep? Think about a race that you have a slight (or strong) prejudice towards or whose members you don't agree should date or marry your own. Then, only you can decide if you are judging others based on the standards you would like to be judged by.
Would Alisa still be punished by similar disdainful looks from white men in a more liberal state, such as California or New York where there is more ethnic diversity? My opinion is that the prevailing attitude is more relaxed towards interracial relationships simply because people are mixing and mingling at school, church, work, social settings, etc. with more members of other ethnicities other than their own. They are more accepting towards interracial relationships because, demographically, there is more diversity. With more exposure to "other" people, prejudice is less likely. Prejudice flourishes where there is fear and fear breeds on ignorance or lack of exposure to other cultures and people. Once we become familiarized and have an amicable affiliation with individual members (like co-workers or members of one's in-law family, for example) of a different ethnic group, then the stereotypes diminish with time in one's mind. However, studies show the psyche of most people will continue to label the members of the other nationality with negative stereotypes if they are not familiar with the individual members thereof.
Personally, I was one of the only Asians in a town of mostly White/Caucasian people in the upper middle class, airport, town of Cameron Park, California. I was rejected, mocked and jeered for being Asian because, as aforementioned, my peers (in elementary and junior high school) had little or no exposure to Asians. The only Asians that they saw were the Chinese karate-chopping variety in the Bruce Lee movies. In my case, in the late 80's, when "Full Metal Jacket" (a military movie about GI's in Vietnam in which the only ladies that were in the movie were prostitutes) was released, the bratty, white boys (I have poetic license to state that because my wonderful, loving husband is white) would mockingly jeer, "Me so horny! Me love you long time, GI!" Of course, this attitude was becoming far and few between as the provincial city was gradually infused with members of other cultures, such as Asians, Blacks, East Indian, etc. Interestingly enough, eventually I dated one of those bratty boys that jeered me (after I grew out of an awkward stage) when I was a teenager. He became my first boyfriend (and one of the first people to break the interracial ground in that city). The city is a microcosm of the growing acceptance of interracial relationships in American culture. However, there are always people who hold onto prejudicial beliefs no matter what emerging cultural trends there are.
In my mid-20's, after several failed relationships, I was shocked to receive an email from an Asian gentleman who said that I was a disgrace and a sell-out because I had stated I was looking for a Caucasian man in an online dating profile. The email was laced with resentment. Now, I do understand that a lot of Asian gentlemen feel that "their" women are being taken over by white men. I do empathize that they feel there is a large disparity between the Asian female and white male couple versus the Asian male and white female couple (which is gaining in popularity. Look around. They are there). Honestly, I have met and have interacted with some very attractive Asian men (and have a crush on Keanu Reeves. Does that count?), but for some reason, because there was a lack of Asian men in my home-town, I felt more attracted towards Caucasian men. Sounds fair, doesn't it? That what you grow up with is what you are most comfortable with? There is hope, Asian man: I still observe that the majority of Asian women will only date Asian men because that's who they were accustomed to in their formative years, are attracted to, and who they want to bring home to meet Mama-san and Papa-san.
Isn't the preference for someone of a particular race similar to the penchant that some men have for blonde or long-legged women? "Well, that's different" people might claim, because that's an affinity for a member of the same nationality. Really, it's not that different, simply because an individual is attracted to certain physical characteristics. Also, when people think others are hogging the eligible pool of men/women, do they not consider the millions and millions of eligible people in the world? Come on. There are at least 4 billion fish in the dating sea! Just because the people in one's own social circle seem to be taken, it shouldn't limit them from looking elsewhere, like on the Internet (proceed with caution, of course).
I do hear a lot of black women friends who resent the pairing of black men with white women. Is it warranted or unwarranted? Justified or not? Yes, I tread lightly because obviously, I'm not black, but I'll take my chances in exploring this delicate topic. I've heard black women say that an employed, black man with his own transportation and dwelling who treats his woman well is in such hot demand that they are livid when a white woman snags him. But honestly, is it just black men who have a job, car, and house with good qualities who are a rare find or just men in general who have these attributes who are in high demand? I think it's a supply and demand type of situation. There's a limited supply of these type of men (who are not scrubs, referring to the TLC song) and there's a high demand. Therefore, because of that, women get hot underneath the collar (or blouse) when they see one of "their" men with a woman of another race. I am a proponent of Asian men dating Black Women and vice versa to even out the interracial marriage disparities!
Overall, people will love who they are going to love regardless of what their family or cultural attitude is. Thankfully, Mr. and Mrs. Loving defied the odds and authorities and continued in holy matrimony in spite of the prevailing legal and cultural stigmas against their relationship. I am thankful that the dream of Martin Luther King has come true (for the most part), that "one day (his four little children will) live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." Do we really evaluate other people by what's inside their heart or do we only see what's skin-deep? Think about a race that you have a slight (or strong) prejudice towards or whose members you don't agree should date or marry your own. Then, only you can decide if you are judging others based on the standards you would like to be judged by.
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