A Girl Named Peach 🍑
Chapter 1: A Fruitful Beginning
My name is Jeralynn Peach Kawewong, and I was named after the fruit tree growing outside my baby room window. It's funny how something as simple as a tree can shape one's identity for life. Looking back, that tree represents the beginning of my journey, a life filled with love and pain, faith and hope.
I was born on a warm May day in 1973 in Los Angeles, California. My parents were immigrants from Thailand, where their families lived in rural areas. My father, Pat, an architectural draftsperson obtained his degree in Thailand in the early 70s before moving to California to continue his career.
My mother, Ratree, was a homemaker who loved gardening and cooking Thai dishes. Her sweet demeanor and loving nature endeared her to everyone who knew her. Unfortunately, my earliest memory is of her suffering from postpartum depression and having several delusional episodes that caused stress in my parents' marriage.
Despite this setback, our family expanded its love when we brought Racy into our home. Racy was a half Greyhound/Whippet breed who loved to race and run around the backyard and the neighborhood too. My father's passion for architecture supported us financially but never denied us of simple pleasures like playing fetch with Racy.
Tragedy struck us one night when Racy lost his life in a dog fight with an aggressive dog in the neighborhood. I remember crying myself dry over his limp body lying motionless on our porch. Looking back now at all that had happened since then made that night as gentle as any breeze I remembered feeling since.
As time passed with more responsibility placed on Pat by his clients over the years plus Ratree’s state of mind led our family into deeper valleys than we ever thought it will take us.
And yet, through it all, that small tree outside my room still bore fruit every year and reminded us of the good times we had as a family. Despite all the hardships we faced, it was never too late to start anew.
Chapter 2: A New Home
In 1983, when I was eight years old, my father made the decision to move us from our humble home near Compton to a small town called Cameron Park. We went from living in a predominantly Hispanic and African American community to an almost entirely caucasian, middle-class town.
It was a huge culture shock for me. The kids at school bullied me for being Asian, teasing me about my almond-shaped eyes and calling me names like "ching-chong." I remember feeling alone and insecure as a child. My father did his best to reassure me, but it was tough being the only Asian family in town.
Despite the difficulties we faced in our new town, my father threw himself into his work at an architectural firm nearby. He became best friends with his boss and his wife - Marianne and Herb - who would regularly invite us over for dinners. They became like family to us.
I grew fascinated by American teenage culture eventually in Cameron Park and begged my dad for permission to go to school dances and music concerts and to also buy trendy clothes, cosmetics and jewelry. My dad tried his best to understand my interests but had trouble reconciling them with his upbringing in Thailand.
As time passed, I made some friends who didn't judge me based on my ethnicity or where I came from. However, I still struggled with adjusting to life in Cameron Park. It wasn't until my mother joined us again after a few years of staying with family back in Thailand that things began to take a turn for the worse.
My mother's mental condition seemed worse than ever before she left Thailand all those years ago; we should have known this would happen when I saw the look in her glazed eyes hadn’t changed. She struggled with mood swings and delusional episodes, which took a significant toll on our family.
As her condition worsened, my dad's focus on his work increased. I was left feeling neglected and alone, leading me to seek comfort in other ways. It only got worse when Ratree committed suicide the year after she returned to live with us.
My grades plummeted, and I started sneaking out to party with my friends. I felt lost and helpless as I struggled to come to terms with everything that had happened in such a short period. Little did we know that there were more trials ahead of us.
Chapter 3: A Father's Struggle
After my mother's suicide, my relationship with my father was strained. I blamed him for not being there for me when I needed him the most. I felt like he had abandoned our family in favor of his work, leaving us to deal with my mother's mental illness on our own.
As a teenager, I rebelled against everything my father stood for. My grades continued to suffer, and I found myself in trouble more often than not.
My father tried his best to understand what was going on with me but seemed helpless in the face of my rebellion. I couldn't see it then, but he was struggling too. He felt like he had failed as a husband and a father and didn't know what to do to make things better.
One day, after yet another argument between us, he pulled me aside and opened up to me about his struggles. He told me how hard it was for him to be an immigrant in a foreign land while trying to provide for our family. How much work he put into building his career while also adjusting to life in America.
He explained how difficult it was for him to watch his wife suffer from mental illness and how helpless he felt in the face of it all. He wanted nothing more than to give us the world, but at times it felt like the weight of it all was too much.
I listened as he spoke, tears streaming down both of our faces. For the first time in a long time, we were communicating with each other honestly and openly.
That night marked a turning point in our relationship. We began to understand each other better and work towards healing old wounds.
My father encouraged me to pursue my interests while also teaching me about Thai culture and traditions- something that once made no sense now seemed essential. We also were assigned a family counselor by the school to bridge the gap between us. It wasn't a quick fix, and things were still hard, but we were starting to heal together as a family.
Chapter 4: A New Hope
As I entered my teenage years, I struggled with depression and the loss of my mother - something that continued to impact me heavily. From age 12 to 15, I was suicidal and depressed and hated myself. I thought I was ugly and unattractive because I was mocked and made fun of by peers (with decreasing rejection every year as peers became friends with me and vice versa).
I also got into the occult: satanic music, horror movies obsession, ouija boards, tarot cards and horoscopes. I read this book called “Demons in the World Today” (Demons in the World Today: A Study of Occultism in the Light of God's Word. Click below 👇🏽 to read it!) because it had a creepy book cover!
https://archive.org/details/demonsinworldtod00unge/page/7/mode/1up
The first chapter I read was that the things I was into (the occult) opened the door to the enemy/devil/Satan and that was what caused the oppression in my life. Also, here’s a podcast I did with an ex-new-ager and former astrologer: https://youtu.be/nzLuUArB4UQ
I cried tears of repentance and joy and asked God/Jesus to come into my life. I was never the same ever since. Jesus filled my empty heart with his spirit and life and the darkness lifted. Even people noticed my attitude and countenance changed for the better. I went from death to life, darkness to light, and sadness to joy.
Later, I started going to church, reading the Bible and, most of all, praying to Jesus. I was active in my church and shared the gospel with other people and helped those in need. I was raised as a Buddhist but it never “took” (to Buddhists: Jesus made 100% merit for our debt). Jesus is the only One who is confirmed by secular scholars and historians to raise from the dead. I found out that Jesus’s sacrificial death on the cross was the only propitiation for our sins so that we can be forgiven by God and is the only way to heaven. Jesus is God made manifest in the flesh as well as the Son of God (see Trinity information: https://creation.com/jesus-christ-our-creator-a-biblical-defence-of-the-trinity)
I started attending church regularly and found comfort in the people there. They welcomed me with open arms and provided a safe space where I could grow spiritually and emotionally.
It was through my involvement in the church that I found new hope; hope for a brighter future, one where I could overcome my struggles and become the person that God created me to become.
I began to take school seriously again, putting in the effort to improve my grades. My father was proud of me, and we celebrated each small victory together.
I also began serving the community through volunteering programs at our church. I was amazed at how helping others made me feel fulfilled - something that I had been searching for all along.
My newfound faith helped me find inner strength, courage, and peace. The support of my church community gave me the sense of belonging that I had been searching for all this time. For once it felt like everything was going okay.
With time, things improved between myself and my father too. Our relationship grew stronger as we learned to communicate better and understand each other's perspectives fully. He shared stories with me about his life growing up in Thailand - his experiences, his traditions, culture- without imposing them on me.
They became stepping stones instead of roadblocks to our relationship; just like Peach trees can serve as supports instead of hindrances if pruned enough for their fruits to flourish.
In hindsight, it's amazing how much growth can occur when we open ourselves up to new impressions- both within ourselves but also outside.
The road wasn't always easy, but I found that we have the capability to change our lives from the inside out. We aren't merely victims of circumstance, but we can control how we respond to what life throws our way. With my new found faith and hope, I had no doubt that things would continue improving for us. I had learned to overcome my struggles and turn them into stepping stones rather than blocks at my feet.
It was a new beginning for both me and Pat- one filled with hope, faith, love, and forgiveness.
Chapter 5: Reflections and Gratitude
Looking back now, I'm amazed at how far I've come since those tumultuous years of my life. The lessons I learned during that time laid the foundation for the person I am today.
As my faith grew stronger, so did my compassion for others. I found myself drawn to helping those in need, whether it be through volunteering or simply offering a listening ear to someone who needed it.
I also developed a deep appreciation for the culture and traditions of both Thailand and America. This understanding helped me connect with people from all walks of life and break down cultural and ethnic barriers.
My relationship with my father continued to improve over time, and we built new memories together that overshadowed our dark past. Reflecting back upon our journey together, we knew that things would never be perfect or easy in life but they could be shared between us together- even the ebbs with its flows.
I moved out of the house when I was 20 and my father eventually returned home to Thailand and retired from his American architectural firm after 25 years of employment in the USA but continues to do work for architectural clients as a freelancer in Thailand. Together, we worked on building bridges between cultures by sharing stories and experiences about our upbringing.
I went through some dark times from age 20 to 28 but, thankfully, the Lord has blessed me with administrative and clerical jobs to support myself.
I met my wonderful Christian husband, Ted, through the Internet in 2001 when I was 28 and we had gotten married when I was 30 in 2003. This June, we will celebrate our 20 year anniversary. We have also gone through ups and downs, ebbs and flows, hills and valleys, especially with my husband’s health crisis, in which he had to have pacemaker surgery recently. He now is recovering with each new day bringing more healing to his heart and blood pressure.
Even though my father and stepmother in Thailand and family there and my husband and I are thousands of miles apart, we are in each other’s hearts.
Looking back at that small Peach tree outside my baby room window seems like ancient history - yet its significance will forever be deep-rooted within me as a symbol of where it all started.
Through the pain and struggles we faced as a family came forgiveness, healing, love, hope, community support but most importantly endurance. Withstanding through hardships had refined us like coal under pressure forms diamonds.
If there's one lesson I've learned from this journey through life thus far (still continued), it's the importance of having hope in tough times; boundless hope that carries you forth until you reach a place bright enough to keep moving forward without fear- like sunlight shining above cloudy skies.
Thankful for my family who amidst many shortcomings remained connected by the jolts that comes with life while always putting in efforts to communicate, express love, and fuel toward a better tomorrow.
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